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CIVIL UNION
BY PETER KURTH (published 04.04.01)
Life and love conspired to drop me into the raging cauldron of Vermont “civil unions” last weekend.
I suppose it was a baptism by fire, because all of my “GLBT” friends
up here in North
Sodom seem to
be getting attached. The invitations are pouring in – I don’t
know what to wear! Do I say “bride and groom,” “groom and
groom,” “bride and bride,” or what? Is there or should
there be any transfer of patriarchal identity -- "Oh, Mr. Kurth -- and
Mr. Kurth!" -- along with insurance and death benefits? Yes? No?
Oh, dear. On the subject of civil unions, I feel like the White
Rabbit in Alice. The Duchess will have my whiskers! I can see all points of
view, even the stupid, hateful, ugly, Christian ones, anyone’s
personal belief being as sincere, I guess, as anyone else’s. So you
see where that leaves me – up a tree!
Frankly, I wouldn’t get married again if they outlawed it completely,
which is the only thing that could make it attractive to me. I suspect that
many of my “GLBT” friends are tying the knot at this juncture
out of solidarity and support for the civil-union law. I say "at this
juncture," because those animals in Montpelier, who can’t get
sex off their minds, have been back on the attack. Damned if the House
hasn’t voted to outlaw "gay marriage," defining which
person with which body can marry what person with another body, just so
long as their bodies are
different.
This puts all the stress of marriage on sex, an odd position for
religious people and an impossible condition over the long term. I have
this for a fact, as I used to encounter so many married men in places where
gay men congregate. It might have been dark, but you could always see the
glint of gold on their fingers or in their frightened eyes. I don’t
meet these men anymore, but that’s because I don’t meet anyone
anymore. Except the other night, as I say, when I went to my first civil
union.
I’d call it a civil union “ceremony,” the way other
people talk about marriage or wedding “ceremonies.” But it was
more than that, because it was, you know, legal. So it wasn’t just a
ceremony. This is assumed to be the case in all "straight"
marriages, I believe, no matter how bizarre the coupling and no matter what
the partners do in bed (or outside it, or not at all).
Anyhow, I went to this really lovely civil union Saturday night, done
up just the way men like it, with a harpist, a hunky waiter and candles
floating in little bowls. It was different from the "commitment"
exercises of the past, of which I’ve been to plenty, thank you,
because it had something those didn’t -- legitimacy, and the shared
knowledge of legitimacy. Only those who’ve never known it can know
what legitimacy is and does (ask any "bastard").
Now, as I've said, I’m against marriage, and I have been ever
since I got divorced. This is no comment on other people's lives, as I hope
they know, but I’m entitled to my opinion, because this is America
and because – well, this is America. If it weren’t, we’d
be a lot quicker out of this “GLBT” thicket, as they are, or
shortly will be, in all civilized countries.
Paris now has an openly gay mayor. In China, they’ve taken
homosexuality off the list of psychiatric disturbances and given it to
capitalism – gay sex might be dirty, but there isn’t “anything
wrong with it,” remember? And
in Holland -- thanks to pressure from a lot of L’s, I imagine -- the
sex-and-gender thing has been removed completely from all lawful coupling.
Now, anyone who gets married in Holland, or united in a civil way, is
automatically a "spouse" (rhymes with louse). From there, the churches can do whatever they
like – or not -- should any self-respecting “GLBT” give a
damn what churches think.
In the meantime, an email from “VFTMTF” and “VCULDF”
– please, there isn’t room! – alerts me to the attempt of
Rep. Peg Flory (R-Awful), chair of the House
Judiciary Committee, to overturn Vermont’s civil union law by
replacing it with something called "reciprocal partnership."
I’m to fight this in Montpelier next week by showing up wearing my
"pink sticker." Alas, I’ll be "out of town."
Rep. Flory says she wants her bill to take
sexual orientation out of law. I want them to take it out of everything
– or, rather, put it back where it was, make it a personal thing
again (and a little dangerous, too, please, because that was half the fun
and most of the excitement). I speak
as an “elder” here. If they’ve come up with another word
to describe fiftyish homophile males who
don’t give a damn, someone, please, let me know.
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