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KEEP PETTING THAT GOAT!
BY PETER KURTH (published 09.08.04)
"Some folks look at me and see
a certain swagger, which in Texas is
called `walking.'” – George W. Bush
“How long can we pretend that
the spit in our faces is rain?” – Gideon Levy in “Ha’aretz”
So,
which was your favorite moment of the late, unlamented Republican
convention in New
York? Discounting the sheer size and variety of
the protests against Bush, I’d vote for White House aide Andrew
Card’s brazen admission that Dubya
– “this president,” as Card calls him –
“sees America as we think about a 10-year-old child.”
That’s
right, a 10-year-old child. The President
of the United
States
thinks his country and his subjects are still in fifth grade, bumping up
against puberty and at permanent risk of molestation. Hence all the manly rhetoric from that
phallus-shaped platform last Thursday night – “43 minutes of
sheer wisdom,” as Bush himself described it: “We will extend the frontiers of
freedom," “Democracy is coming,” “We have a calling
from beyond the stars,” etc.
But
maybe you missed the story about Card.
Probably, you did, because, with the lone exception of The Boston Globe, no one in the
major media saw fit to report it.
“I
know as a parent I would sacrifice all for my children,” Card
declared, addressing an assembly of Republican delegates from Maine and Massachusetts.
“But there is no doubt about the president's commitment to
make sure that he protects us no matter what the polls may say, no matter
what focus groups might suggest, no matter what the UN [gives] permission
to do."
Such
a relief! Imagine if we lived in a
dictatorship, where “protection” is imposed whether you like it
or not. The Kerry campaign –
reaching, as always, for its sharpest knife – called Card’s
remarks “condescending,” but Card shot back in perfect
Bush-speak: “The Democrats who
met in Boston [in July] had a wonderful party, because Boston hosted a
wonderful opportunity for them to get together. But they tended to talk about yesterday,
and our president knows that leadership is all about tomorrow.”
Frankly,
I’m trying to get through today.
If you ask me, this whole country’s having a nervous
breakdown, one voter at a time. It
was Card, after all, on September 11, 2001, who whispered in Bush’s ear that the United States was under terrorist attack, while Bush sat
blank-faced in a second-grade classroom of Emma E. Booker Elementary
School
in Sarasota, Florida, reading a story with the children called
“The Pet Goat.”
“The
president accepted my words but did not introduce fear to any of those
young people,” Card reports proudly, “or through the national
media to the American people.”
As I remember, the American people, as well as the national media,
were on the job before Dubya blinked an eye. If they lived in New York City, they were running for their lives, wondering if
their friends and family would survive what seemed like Armageddon. But Card, true to the Bushmen’s
lying script, thinks Dubya’s pure inaction that morning reveals his
strutting stature as “a leader.”
“After
an appropriate period of time,” says Card, “he excused himself
from the classroom … and exercised the ultimate responsibility of a
president.” In Bush’s
case, this means that he flew aimlessly around the United States on Air Force One for about 10 hours – from Florida to Louisiana to Nebraska – before finally landing in Washington in the early evening, having phoned Laura ahead
of time to tell her, “I’m coming home. See you at the White House.” They must both have wondered how they
ever got there.
Granted,
both Bush and Card have cause to believe that the electorate consists of
blithering idiots, since their New York dog-and-pony show apparently went down the
American throat like so much cotton candy, spun out of nothing but sugar
and hot air and lacking even one nutritional component. Bush’s post-convention
“bounce” is a matter of wonder even to the press that maintains
him in power.
“Election
2004 suddenly is not just about whether John Kerry or George W. Bush will
lead the United
States
the next four years,” writes Robert Perry in Consortium News.
“This election has become a test of whether reality still
means anything to the American people.” Or, as Kerry spokesman Phil Singer
explains in response to Card, “Any parent that ran a household the
way George W. Bush runs the country would find [himself] in bankruptcy
court on the way to family court."
Worse,
any parent that ran a household the way Bush runs the country would find
himself raising “the twins,” Barbara and Jenna, two sloppy
babes who, according to The New York
Post, managed to rack up a $4800 liquor bill on a single night of the
convention, while partying with their father’s “Young
Republican” guard. These girls
even got to smoke in public places, dammit, the
ultimate insult to anyone who’s watched New York go all wussy
lately. For this they got their
booze for free -- I kid you not -- and left their waiter $45, a one-percent
tip.
And
speaking of family values –
the only member of Dick Cheney’s clan who didn’t join her
parents onstage in New
York was
his lesbian daughter, Mary. Mary
wasn’t invited to Barbara Bush, Sr.’s “W Stands for
Women” party at the Waldorf-Astoria, either, although her sister Liz
was there, lauding “this president” for “empowering women
overseas.”
Indeed,
the Republican platform is so overtly homophobic that even the Log Cabin
Republicans, highly indignant, are threatening not to support Ding-Dong
this year. They’ll change
their minds, of course, and, when they do, I’ve got a slogan for
their bumper stickers: “Log
Cabin Republicans – Girlie Men for Bush!”
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